my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Randomize
