Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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