3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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