I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
