I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
