Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
