as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
this just has baby written all over it
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
