Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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