Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
