Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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