weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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