We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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