Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
