Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize