I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize