Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
