Please, let me fuck your mom
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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