tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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