I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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