He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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