babies were throwing up all over the place
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
