ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
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I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
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He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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