I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
