watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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