$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't want my vagina anymore.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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