the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
