You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
