I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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