Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she smelled like a LAN party
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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