All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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