So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
