Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
