ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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