If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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