also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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