i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
