I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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