Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
