I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
