chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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