Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
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How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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