Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
