dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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