i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize