he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
