I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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