Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
