I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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