i think my mom watched the whole time
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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