My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
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We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
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Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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