This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
