No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I will die if light touches me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
