Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize