I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
