I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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