I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
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i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
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you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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