What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
