Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
