Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
