did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
