morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
