I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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