he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
