i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
you made out with another girl for some wings
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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