I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
