Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
