The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
