Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
