OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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