i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You left your underwear on the fireplace
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
